Preds Trying to Make This Not About Hockey

09282013 blackhawks hockey 01First and foremost, I’ll fill you all in on a little secret: I don’t cheer during the National Anthem at Chicago Blackhawks games. I understand that it’s a tradition and that it creates a unique environment not matched in the National Hockey League. That being said, just because something is tradition, doesn’t save it from being…mehhh.

I suppose that is the strange part of this internal conflict. I choose to not do it, but it doesn’t anger me that other people do. I don’t look at it as disrespectful, because if you’ve seen the video from the All Star Game right as the assault on Iraq began in the Desert Shield/Desert Storm, you know the intentions were nothing short of glorious.

25+ years later it’s a gimmick. But, I’m okay with it.

Other teams have their shticks as well. For instance, Dallas fans yell the word “Star(s)” during the anthem. Pretty cool, especially if you’re not expecting it or it’s your first time seeing a game in Dallas. Montreal ceremoniously reminds everyone of each and every single championship they’ve won with a re-hanging ceremony every 10 home games. The St. Louis Blues have installed a Meth Cannon. When compared to the Columbus Blue Jackets’ goal cannon, it does, in fact shoot 100 per cent more Meth into the crowd. Expectant mothers love it.

“WHAT ABOUT THE NASHVILLE PREDATORS” you mindlessly scream through beer soaked carbon dioxide. Well, the Predators have perhaps the most hilarious gimmick of them all.

You see, geographically, Nashville aint too darn far from the Big City Livin’ that is Chicago City. So, us fancy folk aren’t turnt away at the prospect uh loading up the ol’ go machine and takin a day er two off fieldin’ to Music City (I’m going to spare everyone from having the rest of the article written like that. Just know that I could fucking do it if I wanted to).

Over time, Predators ownership have grown tired of seeing a lot of red in their stands. The Predators have offered a decent hockey product lately and damn it, they want their kin to see it. They’ve tried everything. Ticket discounts, “keep the red out” campaigns, offering extra tickets to season ticket holders. The newest incarnation has them restricting sales based on the purchasers zip code. So, what that means is, if you bought four tickets for game one of the playoffs and went down, your ticket sale may or may not have been voided by the Predators’ box office and resold to someone living in a perpetual state of denim.

Also, they have been known to play God Bless America over the National Anthem when playing the Blackhawks. Because, apparently some Hawks fans still cheer during the anthem at other teams’ arenas. That is dumb. But, I digress. It’s been released that they will play the Star Spangled Banner prior to game one and will encourage all fans to sing along. Team president Sean Henry to The Tennessean:

It would almost be against God, country and apple pie to shout and cheer through the person next to you singing the anthem of the United States of America, wouldn’t it?

Bro, you went and had to make this about fucking patriotism? The lede that Nashville fans will now cling to is that Blackhawks fans are a bunch of communist pie fuckers who want nothing more than to elect Obama to a lifetime term.

This is what stupid people do who know they’ve run out of options. They back themselves into some corner that they know they can defend because absolutely zero facts can refute such a stupid comment. This is no longer about hockey, no matter which way the series goes. If the Predators win, it’s because they were able to counteract the long haired queers from the City who don’t love America. If the Blackhawks win, it’ll be “such a shame for the good people who actually care about Jesus, America, and…this great Canadian game.”

Blackhawks (and queers) in 6.

Brennan can be found on Twitter, slaying his arch enemies @midway_brennan